Jam
by dormiensa
Summary: Coincidence liberally dosed with magic is called Fate. A Marriage Law crack!fic. My first multi-chaptered attempt. Dramione. WARNING: coarse language.
1. Prologue

Prologue MARRIAGE ACT PASSED!

_In an attempt to ensure greater stability in the Wizarding world following the defeat of Lord Vol-...He-Who-Still-Can't-Be-Named-Without-Giving-Shudders, the Ministry of Magic has passed the Marriage Act to encourage all wizards and witches of marriageable age to make a positive contribution for the greater good. According to Healers at St. Mungo's, the few remaining pure-blood families are so inbred that if they continue to intermarry exclusively, they will severely compromise the health of their offspring - to such a degree that, of those who are viable at birth, majority of these children will either be squibs or insane, thus unable to ever learn to properly control and use their inherent magical abilities. The Ministry intends to reward wizards and witches of those pure-blood families who are willing to marry non-pure-blood spouses: any children born of these unions will be ensured a place in the Ministry's new internship program for any career path of their choice. Those wizards and witches who are still single but interested in registering with the Ministry can contact Gertrude O'Leary and receive a list of potential candidates to interview. The Minister for Magic has stated that he is hopeful that all Ministry employees hitherto unattached will set an example for the Wizarding world by submitting their names to this list. The Ministry hopes that with this act in place..._

Hermione Granger couldn't read any more of the dribble. This was outrageous! "Greater good", indeed! Pure, underhanded manipulation! Like the old Ministry, the current bureaucrats were turning a blind eye to the most glaring hole in their nice, neat plans: that a binding contract between individuals would not magically obliviate centuries and generations of prejudice. _Well, I suppose it could be worse. At least they aren't choosing the couples to be bonded through some random lottery system. Or worse, pretend to hold a Charity Ball, only to have it be a Bazaar where the eligibles drop off their resumes at the booths._ Putting the _Daily Prophet _to one side, she finished the remainder of her breakfast and headed to work.

She had no intention of abiding with this Act. And I'd like to see how well they manage if they force me to quit.

Unfortunately, The Fates, those bitches, had other plans.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"This is intolerable! As if I don't have enough to deal with! Now they're even trying to dictate who I'm to marry!" Draco Malfoy fumed. "_Incendio!_" Tossing the flaming pages into the fire, he sat down at the dinner table in a huff.

His mother eyed him calmly. "Now, Draco dear, there's no need to get wound up over this. I'm sure there must be _some_ half-blood or Muggle-born witch out there that won't bring..._further_...disgrace to the Malfoy name. You must consider that the times have changed. If we are to regain some respect in the Wizarding community again, we must make an attempt to adhere to the whim of the current administration as best we can."

"But Mother -- "

"_Please_, darling, will you promise at least to go to the Ministry and get a list of candidates? Perhaps interview one or two of them? If you really cannot find anyone suitable, I will resign myself to knowing that I have given birth to the last heir of the Malfoy line."

"Not fair, Mother!" Narcissa did not say anything further, but the steely glint in her eyes gave him pause.

"Oh, very well! I'll go to the bloody Ministry and make a patsy out of myself!" Under his breath, he muttered, "What's the point of being the reputed Slytherin Sex God if I can't have the pick of the lot? Circe's teat! To end up being shackled to some..._commoner_!"

***

"That damned cow! This is payback for the interview with Harry, isn't it?"

"Oh come, Hermione! Don't pay attention to her!"

"Ginny! Have you read this?!

_'The Marriage Act has certainly been a great popularity booster for a heretofore relatively unknown Muggle-born witch, one Hermione Granger, whose only claim to fame to date has been to be one of the best friends of the famous Boy-Who-Defeated-He-Whose-Name-Is-Still-A-Curse-To-Say, Harry Potter. This mousey-looking witch, who works as some lowly employee within the Ministry of Magic, has been receiving a flood of invitations from the heirs of some of the most prominent pure-blood families in the __W__izarding world. Sources tell me that besides mail, she has also been receiving photographs, flowers, chocolates, candies, and jewellery from desperate candidates...'"_

"So she's intercepted some of your mail. At least she didn't see the one where he included hair samples from..."

"Ugh! Don't even remind me!"

"Well, have you at least considered replying to any of them? I mean, I know things didn't work between you and Ron..."

"Don't worry, we both agreed we're better off as good friends. Besides, I hear he plans to propose to Susan Bones any day now."

"Yeah. Never knew her mum was Muggle-born. Good thing _their_ children will have brains and won't be gits like their father." Hermione snorted.

"Well, in all fairness, Ron _is_ less childish than he was in school."

"Never mind Ron. You haven't answered my question."

"I don't know, Ginny. None of these blokes seem appealing. They're really dull, for starters. Besides, I don't need their connections or their money. According to that Skeeter woman, I can get by just knowing Harry."

"Oh come, they can't all be losers. Let me see some of these...hmmm...nope...ugh, Kyle Simmons, no, no, definitely not him -- that whole family have crossed eyes! Pass...boring...mmm, you may have a point -- "

A sudden pop interrupted them. Beside Hermione's kitchen table stood a nervous-looking house-elf. She grovelled by Hermione's foot and cried, "Please, Miss! Twinkie is sent from my Young Master to beg Miss to have dinner with him. Young Master says to show you that he not a-abuse Twinkie a-and gives, gives Twinkie w-wages..." she showed a handful of Knuts, "Young Master says if Miss will marry him, he will please Miss and g-gives Twinkie c-c-c-c-c-c-clothesssss-oh-boo-hoo-hoo-hoo --" the anguished elf began beating her head against the floor.

"Stop! Please! Twinkie! Don't! I -- I command you to st-stop!" When the house-elf finally calmed down, Hermione said shakily, "Wh-who is your Young Master, Twinkie?"

"Y-young Master Malfoy, M-miss." Twinkie sniffed.

Hermione bit back a snarky remark and silently counted to twenty. When she finally had control of her speech, she said in a stiff voice, "Please tell your Young Master that I would be pleased have dinner with him. I will meet him inside the Leaky Cauldron at 7 pm tomorrow evening, and the restaurant will be of my choosing."

"Th-thank you, Miss. Twinkie is goes now!" With another pop, the house-elf disappeared.

"That bloody, arrogant, underhanded --- git!" Hermione finally exploded. "How dare he mock S.P.E.W.! If I wasn't so against house-elf abuse, I'd order Twinkie to give him a good smack when she returns home!"

"I'm surprised you even agreed to go on a date with him, 'Mione."

"That's only so that I can give him a piece of my mind! Manipulative bastard! Just you wait! I'm going to make him suffer through a Muggle date night, see if he'll remain so cocky!"

"oooOOOOOooo! I can't wait to hear what happens! Shall we go find you a suitable outfit?"

***

True to her word, Hermione dragged Draco Malfoy into Muggle London. They went to her favourite fish 'n chips place and watched a movie. Malfoy was clearly out of his element. By the end of the night, he was relieved to be back in Diagon Alley, where they parted ways.

Hermione couldn't help but gloat. Besides taunting him about his discomfiture, she crammed in as many snarky remarks as seven years worth of bickering at school had built up. _Well, that's the last I'll see of the git._

How wrong she was.

After recovering from his disastrous date, Draco struck back. No Mudblood was going to get the best of a Malfoy. This was war.


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Having gotten rid of her most annoying suitor, Hermione focussed on managing the letters and invitations from the others. The majority she rejected outright, sending polite refusals. A few she put in her "perhaps another day (when I'm running out of time)" pile. Finally, she was left with six candidates who seemed interesting enough to warrant further investigation. After running through the names with Ginny and getting the go-ahead, she sent her replies and got back to focussing on work. Owls were sent back, and dates were arranged.

When her first scheduled date arrived, she ensured that she left work at a decent hour. In the midst of getting ready, however, she received an owl from her suitor, apologizing profusely for the last-minute notice, but he had to cancel their plans for the evening due to an unexpected family emergency that would keep him out-of-country for at least two months, and could he please contact her when things had settled down? Although disappointed, Hermione sent back a reply in the affirmative and expressed her concern and best wishes. She put away her evening-wear and settled into her favourite chair for a quiet evening of reading.

Hermione thought nothing more of the incident until she found herself in a similar predicament...for the remaining dates. A serious Quidditch accident. A Potions disaster. An urgent commission from work. A work-related problem that could not be further elaborated upon due to the sensitivity of the matter. The final one was an apology sent from the suitor's mother, whose son was not able to communicate directly with her due to a yet-unknown illness. All requiring at least several weeks of recovery, could we please confirm at a later date.

It _had_ to be more than sheer coincidence, but then again, Hermione had never been particularly lucky. Ginny dismissed her doubts that she had somehow turned into an unattractive and undesirable witch, pointing out that her rising reputation as a significant contributor to the improvement of relations between the Muggle and Wizarding worlds was becoming more widely known and favourably reported. And so, she told herself to stop thinking too much.

Her spirits improved even more when she received an invitation to dinner, written in French, from a wizard named Giauzar Beaufoi. He explained that he had been away on business, but now, having returned to his native France, he would be delighted if Ms. Granger would consent to an afternoon outing followed by a small dinner at his favourite restaurant in Paris. Intrigued, Hermione consented and received an owl with details regarding date and time as well as a Portkey.

She felt apprehensive when the Saturday arrived and kept expecting an owl that would cancel the date. But no such message was delivered, and so she grasped the Portkey and found herself looking at an open field and, a short distance away, a stadium.

"Punctual as always, Granger." She whipped her head around and stared disbelieving at the owner of the voice.

"_Malfoy_?"


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It was two hours into the Quidditch game when Hermione's anger hadwas dissipated sufficiently for her to enjoy the match between England and France. While she was by no means enamoured with the game, she had watched enough of them at school, and besides, her two best friends and the whole Weasley clan were mad about it, so it was impossible not to at least know what the game was about and how to enjoy it. She knew she had surprised Draco and his Slytherin friends with her occasional remarks on the play and her genuine shouts of joy when England scored. They were in a private box in a small section of the stadium, part of the small minority of English fans in the sea of French supporters on native soil, but it seemed they all made just as much noise as their counterparts.

She knew that Draco had tricked her into attending this game as his means of revenge for their Muggle date a week ago, and she was determined that he would not have the satisfaction of seeing her squirm. She was, therefore, surprised when she was not unanimously snubbed or harassed. In fact, she was slowly included in their light banter and comraderie. She even participated in a small flirtation with Blaise Zabini, who made no attempts to hide his fascination for her. She would discover later that he was secretly dating a pretty Muggle-born in Ginny's year and that he had scored major points on account of their newly-formed acquaintance.

When the referee signalled that the game was to go into intermission so that the fans could catch some sleep, she was at a loss. She had brought no luggage with her, and she had no means of returning home, having no idea where in France the game was being held. She thought for a brief moment that Draco's revenge would be complete if he abandoned her here, but before she could even panic, he told her he had booked a hotel room for her in Paris, and, if she was agreeable, they would first Portkey to the restaurant he had mentioned. Relieved, she consented. Moreover, they agreed to put aside their differences and enjoy the meal. She found herself fascinated by their dinner conversation, discovering that they shared similar interests in books and even – oh, the shock! - some of the same opinions on the Ministry's attempts at rebuilding both itself and the post-Voldemort Wizarding world. What they differed on, they debated fiercely but eloquently. A small part of her mind regretted that they were such bitter enemies at school as a result of a set of seemingly arbitrary and certainly hardly relevant prejudices. She vowed to make more of an effort to be less impatient with her pure-blood co-workers.

For his part, Draco discovered, to his surprise, that he was actually enjoying the time he was spending in Hermione's company. He had admittedly only thought of seeking payback, but seeing her enjoy the Quidditch game, when he expected her to be miserable, then finding her able to hold her own against his friends, and now having a stimulating conversation with her in his favourite restaurant made him view her in a completely different light. Granted, she had not turned all of a sudden into a beautiful goddess that he loved and worshipped, but he certainly would not mind spending more time with her. A tiny corner of his mind cursed his pure-blood prejudices, for here was someone who would have made a great friend in school. Blaise was the only other person with whom he could have real conversations. The Slytherin girls were completely hopeless, empty-headed vessels conditioned only to think of how they could find suitable husbands once they were of marrying age. Well, those silly girls would now have to settle for the ugly and dim-witted among the less-than-pures. He couldn't help smirking at the thought of the Greengrass sisters having to marry some middle-class, Muggle-born sod. Thoughts of the Greengrasses led inevitably to a comparison with the lively, witty, brilliant witch before him. Well, if he played his cards right, he just may have found the best catch the Ministry had to offer. Now, the trick was to make sure she couldn't escape.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

After the weekend in France, Draco began his mission in earnest. For the next week, flowers and chocolates, accompanied by requests for another date, were delivered either to Hermione's office or her home. Hermione was hesitant but curious. Ginny had been teasing her mercilessly after wrangling the whole story from her and had pointed out that there was no harm in going on a few dates -- it wasn't as if there were other eligible candidates lined-up at the door. She finally consented.

One date lead to another. Hermione found herself increasingly drawn to the Slytherin. Of course, they also had their share of disagreements, and there was a period of two weeks when it seemed all communication was severed indefinitely. But then, a short but sincere apology arrived.

"Oh, come on, 'Mione, stop being so stubborn! Don't you realize that this is probably the first time a Malfoy has genuinely apologized to _anyone_?"

"But Ginny, what he said was unforgivable!"

"What he said was an echo of what he's been taught by his parents! You can't expect him to be able to change so completely in a few weeks! He's had _years_ of those opinions being thrown around him and beaten into him!"

"You're right. I'll send a reply accepting his apology. But he'll have to do more than just admit that he's wrong to get me to go on another date with him!"

"I guess this means you like him if you're thinking of going on another date with him!" Luna spoke up for the first time. Hermione opened her mouth to retort, but then she blushed. Did she like him?

"Thank you, Luna, you always know how to get to the heart of the issue." Ginny grinned. "So, does this mean you like him, 'Mione?"

"I don't know."

"Do you still hate him?"

"I've never hated him. He was annoying and impossibly arrogant, but I never hated him, and certainly not to the extent that Harry and Ron did."

"Ah, but then again, Harry and Ron never love or hate by halves. You were always the peacekeeper. I doubt they would be on speaking terms if it weren't for you."

"That's not true. Even discounting all that we've been through, just Quidditch and, of course, _you_ would be reason enough for them to remain friends."

"Ha! Don't be so sure. You forget that Percy disowned us for a while. We Weasleys can be very stubborn, so who knows?"

"But Percy did come back and proved that blood overrides even an ambition as strong as his."

"Maybe. I never told you this, but he was on the committee that wrote the final draft of the Marriage Act."

"What? Why?"

"It was his way of ensuring that he could marry Audrey. She's considered half-blood, since her grandmother was Muggle-born. But you wouldn't know it from her father's snobbery. He wasn't a Death Eater, thankfully, but he never approved of Audrey dating Percy. Now, of course, he has no choice but to accept a blood traitor into the family."

"Interesting."

"Father says ambition is the product of an insane mind."

Ginny snorted. "I'll be sure to tell Percy. I'll warn Audrey as well. But never mind them. What would it take for you to see Malfoy again, 'Mione?"

"Certainly not flowers and chocolates...or pleading house-elves."

"Another trip to France?"

"Been there, done that."

"An invitation to the Second Annual War-Relief Fundraiser Ball held by the Greengrasses to formally introduce you to all the other pure-bloods as his prospective bride?"

"What?!"

"Your invitation just arrived. I can guarantee Mrs. Greengrass would never send the invitation addressed to you directly. You're not yet high enough in the Ministry hierarchy."


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_Mr. and Mrs. Dempsey Greengrass _

_would be honoured by the presence of you and your guest_

_at their _

_Second Annual War-Relief Fundraiser Ball _

_Midsummer's Eve_

_Greengrass Manor_

_Reception at six_

_Formal attire_

_R.S.V.P. by owl_

Although Hermione was reluctant to be coerced by Draco into attending a pure-blood function, she knew that her Department Head had been having difficulties establishing a good rapport with those families and would have been displeased if she declined the invitation. Therefore, after being assured that Draco _would __be most delighted_ to be her date, she owled her reply.

Draco stood promptly at her door by the agreed 5:45 pm. They arrived at Greengrass Manor by Apparition and joined the queue of guests waiting to be received by their hosts. After exchanging the necessary pleasantries with the Greengrasses, Hermione entered the ballroom with Draco and began scanning the crowds. She knew that both Harry and Ron had received invitations and would be accompanied by Ginny and Susan, but they had not yet arrived. Seeing the familiar faces of several Slytherin classmates, she reluctantly followed Draco toward them. Pansy Parkinson looked at them in astonishment but quickly recovered her surprise and began to tease Draco about his change of heart. The Slytherins boys who had been at the Quidditch match were quick to come to his defence.

"At least he's not ashamed to be seen in public with his Gryffindor sweetheart, unlike you, Panse."

"Bugger off, Blaise! I'm _not_ ashamed of Dean! He's not here because I begged him not to come. Things are difficult enough for both of us. We don't need you digging your claws into him!"

"Molly-coddling the boy already, Panse! Do you keep the gold key between your tits at all times? Does the boy get to stretch his legs once in a while?"

"Why does he need to bother with that? Panse has always favoured men on their knees!"

"Well, Nott, I guess you would know!"

"Say, Panse, those dress robes look mighty form-fitting. You sure your boy Raphael didn't paint it on you?"

"Dean is a gentleman. He would never allow the woman he loves to be oggled by all and sundry. Especially not immature Slytherins. I know you're trying to protect him, Park--Pansy, but I think you're underestimating him. He certainly could hold his own against these prats."

"You know, much as I hate to admit it, you're right, Grange--Hermione. The Ball's going to be so boring without him. Oh well. Would you care to join me in the powder room while I freshen up? All this testosterone is making my make-up run."

"Shit, Malfoy! They're joining forces! The world's come to an end!"

"You don't know the half of it! I hear Potty and the Weasel are coming too!" The other Slytherins groaned.

Hermione and Pansy made their way to the powder room. Hermione's curiosity could no longer be contained, and she outrightly asked Pansy how she had come to be coupled with Dean Thomas. Pansy giggled and told of how things started with a simple request for a portrait to be done of her, how they had gotten to know each other during the painting sessions, and how she couldn't wait to get married to him by autumn. Her parents had had to give into her wishes once the Marriage Law was passed. Hermione congratulated her on her upcoming nuptials and was surprised to receive both an apology for Pansy's poor treatment of her during their school years and a sincere wish that she would be in attendance at the wedding. She gladly accepted.

The rest of the evening passed pleasantly. The eventual presence of her friends allowed her to truly relax and enjoy the spectacle. Draco made a point of formally introducing her to his mother and several of her friends. He was amused to see several of the mothers looking displeased that he had acquired such a prize. Hermione was aware of the scrutiny but took advantage of the situation by casually mentioning that the Ministry was to host a ball of its own in several weeks' time and had invited emissaries from the Muggle government to promote the improved relations between the two worlds, and wouldn't it be such a triumph if they could have in attendance the most prominent and influential members of their society? Mrs. Malfoy promptly said that she would be honoured to receive an invitation to such a momentous occasion. She betrayed none of her emotions but looked thoughtfully at Hermione's retreating back as Draco lead her away.

Draco, too, was reconsidering his impressions of the Gryffindor. She had surprised him several times that evening. If he had harboured any thoughts of gaining satisfaction at seeing her discomfort at being thrust into his world, those had been completely replaced with admiration at how seamlessly she was fitting in. But his greatest surprise was to come later in the evening, when he discovered that she was a wonderful dance partner. When questioned, she admitted that she had taken lessons for many years because of her own parents' love of dance. Her teachers through the years had been from a variety of dance backgrounds, and she had, therefore, learned a range of dances, including some of those that had been retained from the Elizabethan and Regency eras in the Wizarding world. Draco was impressed.

They took a break from dancing for refreshments. Hermione had thus far restrained from consuming the drinks proffered when she discovered that the Greengrasses did not serve non-alcoholic drinks and that the mildest was Firewhiskey. However, after the exertion on the dance floor, she needed something for her parched throat, and she accepted a glass of Firewhiskey from Draco. They were soon joined by several of their friends. After having made an unspoken truce and downed several glasses of Firewhiskey or the like, the Slytherins and Gryffindors were able to coexist peacefully and pleasantly, following the example set by Hermione and Pansy, who were further reinforced by Susan and Ginny.

Their enjoyment was brought to a halt by the arrival of the younger of the Greengrass daughters, Astoria, who demanded that Draco dance with her. Her attempts to drape her unsteady form over him landed her on the ground.

"You bastard! You activated a Shield Charm against me?"

"I warned you several times in the past to leave me alone, Astoria."

"You're a cold-hearted bastard, Draco Malfoy! After making those promises of love and tricking me into your bed, now you're throwing me aside for a new conquest! I can't believe that you are choosing that Mudblood whore over me!"

"You're drunk, Astoria, so I'll ignore your rude remarks. Now go away and stop causing a scene!"

"Ha! This is my house! I can do whatever I want and go wherever I please! What's the matter, Draco? Can't stand to hear the truth? Take it from me, Mudblood, don't let him get his claws into you; he'll only break your heart like he did mine. Oh, what am I saying? You don't care, do you? You just want to wriggle into his pants for his money!"

"Shut up, Astoria! The only gold-digger around here is the piss-faced drunken bitch standing in front of me! Now go and find some old miser with groping hands if you're so desperate!"

"How dare you talk to me, Pansy, you blood traitor scum! Oh, now that you've got a taste of Gryffindor cock, you think you're one of them! Ha! So, that's it! Once you've got a taste of the forbidden fruit, you forget the lessons your parents taught you about remaining untainted! Well, you've always had loose morals, Pansy. Draco here, though, comes from proper stock. What do you say, Draco? Shall we leave these plebeians and rekindle our fire?"

"Huh! Why would he want to have anything to do with you? The only reason he would even look at you is because of your dark hair and petite size! He's got Hermione now, the real deal! You were only ever a poor substitute for the girl he's had a crush on since Fourth!" As soon as the words were out, Pansy realized her mistake and clapped her hand to her mouth in horror. All eyes swivelled toward Hermione, who was blushing furiously and quickly excused herself.

In spite of her mild inebriation, she navigated through the throng of people to the terrace, where she gripped the railing tightly and forced herself to breathe slowly. She heard footsteps catch up to her.

"Hermione?"

"Please, Draco, I just need some time alone."

"Hermione, I can explain."

"Explain?" she wheeled around to face him. "Explain what, exactly? That you've been suffering from your unrequited love for me all these years and finally found a way of relieving it?"

"No!"

"Oh, so Pansy was wrong! What she should have said was that you were lusting after the forbidden fruit, the lowly Mudblood. And to think I started to believe you aren't a complete arse!"

"It's not like any of that! I admit, I did have a crush on you in Fourth! The night of the Yule Ball, you looked so beautiful, you left me breathless! But I knew you would never even look at me with anything but contempt, not after the way I treated you. And things just got more and more impossible after the Dark Lord returned. What would you want with a Death Eater? And so I gave up. But when I saw your name on the list at the Ministry, I thought, this is my chance. I didn't think you were available. But you completely blew me off! So, I got mad and planned the Quidditch match as revenge for making a fool out of me. But you just made me more crazy by loving it and getting along with my friends. I was this close to strangling Blaise when I saw the two of you getting friendly! So, I was going to stake a claim once and for all tonight. And now Pansy's gone and messed everything up for me!"

Hermione was staring round-eyed at him the entire time. A myriad of thoughts and emotions fought for dominance. In the end, she stepped toward him shyly and asked, "Is it true?"

"You'll have to be more specific."

"You haven't always hated me?"

"I stopped hating you a long time ago. If it makes you feel better, I still find you annoying at times."

"Likewise, you arrogant prat. Draco, I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable on our first date. You have to understand that sending your terrified house-elf wasn't going to endear you to me. I thought you were mocking me like you've always done. Granted, I admit that if you told me you liked me and asked me out on a date, I wouldn't've have believed you and probably would've turned you down. Laughed in your face, even. But if you told me now..."

Draco closed the gap between them and placed his hands on her waist. "I like you, Hermione Granger. A lot. After we've both slept the booze off and put this disastrous party behind us, will you go out on a real date with me?"

"I'd love to."

"Shall we seal it with a kiss?"

"Let's."


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Hermione woke up and felt sore all over.

Her head, especially, was throbbing dully, so the sunlight drifting into the room felt much too bright, much too strong. She rubbed her eyes and massaged along the bridge of her nose, hoping to alleviate her headache. It helped slightly, but her brain still felt like mush.

She twisted her body to turn her back to the window when she discovered that she could not move. She was backed up against something solid, and something else equally solid was wrapped securely around her waist. Using her hands, since her eyes refused to let in any more light, she concluded that it was an arm around her middle. She was about to wrench herself free when she felt the arm tighten and an until-now-unnoticed nose rub against her shoulder. She also heard a deep groan. She stiffened. _Where the hell am I? Who the hell is --_ but even as she began to form these questions, a series of images flashed in her mind in response. No. Impossible. _This is a dream! Please, tell me I'm dreaming!_

"Malfoy?" Another deep groan. _Merlin's pants! NO! No-no-no-no-no-no! This isn't real! That didn't happen! I couldn't have been that drunk! My mind's just playing tricks on me! Oh, shit! What do I tell Mum and Dad? Harry and Ron will go ballistic! They'll kill him and never speak to me again! They'll all hate me! I'd have to move to France or Germany or -- there's so much to pack! And Crookshanks hates travelling by anything other than the train, so I can't go too far away. And I'd have to tell the landlord to null my lease. How many months do I have left? Damn, I'll have to pay another two months to break the contract! Do I have enough money in the bank to cover? I'll have to put a list together of what expenses to expect, and then I'd have to find a new place to live. What if Crookshanks' favourite brand of cat food isn't available in the new place? Does the company ship overseas? And how am I going to ship all my books? What about -- Wait! Stop it! Stop it! Calm down! There's no point in panicking! It won't solve anything!_ But her breath became increasingly shallow all the same.

Finally, unable to stem the wave of panic, she wriggled until she was resting on her other side. A groan of protest greeted her, but its owner still would not move.

"Malfoy!" Finally, her voice was loud enough to make him release her. She sat up.

"Too loud." He was now on his back, the arm previously wrapped around her now covering his eyes. She began shaking him.

"Get up, Malfoy! We need to talk!" He turned his back to her and buried his head into his pillow. _Levicorpus! Liberacorpus!_ Draco bounced onto the bed.

"Circe's teat! You fucking harpy! What the fuck!" He was awake now, and glaring at her through one half-opened eye.

"Tell me we didn't get so drunk last night that we went and got married!"

"Alright, you stupid bitch, we didn't get so drunk last night that we -- oh fuck!" Hermione sighed and buried her head in her hands, wondering what they should do.

"Gandalf's gilded gonads! What the fuck do we do now?"

"We go to the Ministry and get an annulment. Then we keep quiet and pretend nothing happened." Years of helping Harry and Ron solve problems had conditioned her to come up with solutions on the spot.

"We can't _get_ an annulment! We've already consummated the marriage! And they can cast a spell to prove it!"

"Fine, we get a divorce!"

"They'd never grant us one. Have you forgotten the new Act? Only abuse by a spouse or failure to produce children would be grounds for a request, and even then, there's no guarantee that the divorce will be granted. It's entirely up to the whim of the Minister for Magic."

"Well, if we continue to live apart, then we'll meet the second condition."

"What makes you so sure you're not pregnant now? I don't remember everything from last night, but I somehow doubt either of us were in a sober enough state of mind to have remembered to cast the Contraceptive Charm, seeing as we were rash enough to get married and bonk our brains out."

"_Fuck_!"

"Yes, we did, and we are."

"This is no time for your witticisms, Malfoy!"

He sighed. "Listen, Granger, I know we've had a very bad history. I was an arrogant bully to you, and you weren't exactly congenial to me. But if these past few weeks have taught us anything, we don't bore each other to tears. I'll even go as far to say that we rather like each other. What say we give this our best shot."

"But what happens when we fight? You know what happened -- we ignored each other for two weeks! It won't be our only fight either, and one of these days, we could end up killing each other! We're both too opinionated!"

"We could always agree to a fierce round of make-up sex."

Hermione blushed furiously. "Be serious!"

"I _am_ serious! It's the best way to alleviate any pent-up anger! Or would you rather we argue to the point of hexing and cursing?"

"We'd both end up in St. Mungo's for sure!"

"Come on, Granger, where's your courage? I thought you only believed Slytherins to be cowards."

"Alright. Fine. We'll give this a try. But I'm not living with your mother!"

"Don't worry, I don't think I want to live with my mother right now either. She'll kill me when she finds out I cheated her out of planning a lavish wedding for her only child. But we're not living in that rat-hole you call a house! It's too small even for just you! Besides, Giauzar needs a bigger space to move about."

"Giauzar?"

"My eagle owl."

"So that fake name you used belongs to your owl?"

"I wasn't going to name myself after some stray mutt."

"You could've chosen a different tyrant."

"I'm named after the constellation, thank you."

"Well, that explains all that hot air."

"Why you -- " He lunged and began tickling her. She squealed and tried to escape, but he was bigger than she was. He soon had her pinned under him. She recovered her breath to find him staring down intently at her. He locked lips with her.


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Hermione and Draco were rudely awoken from their sleep by the door bursting open.

"Both of you have a lot of explaining to do!"

Startled into a sitting position, they looked groggily at a furious Narcissa Malfoy, who had the day's _Daily Prophet _in her hands. Staring back at them were their own faces, smiling and waving from the front page. Behind them stood a smug Minister for Magic. The headline screamed, _Marriage Act Triumph!_ Hermione groaned and buried her head against her knees.

"I nearly scalded myself with my tea when this was delivered. I've also received a slew of congratulatory letters, one from the Minister himself, and very smug he sounded too! I have never been so furious and disappointed in my entire life! How could you do this to me, Draco?"

"I'm sorry, Mummy! I - we - "

"Even calling me 'Mummy' is not getting you out of trouble, young man! You did not give me one hint that you were serious about anyone, and now you've gone and gotten married to someone to whom I was only properly introduced last night! I don't care to discuss the fact that you did not have a proper Bonding ceremony. And judging from this photograph, you did not even have proper witnesses! All of your friends were there at the Ball last night! You could have asked any one of them! And you, Ms. Granger, how could you be so unscrupulous? I've always thought, in spite of your upbringing, that you had better sense and stricter morals than to behave in such an outrageous fashion! When Draco first told me that he had chosen to be one of your suitors, I rejoiced that finally, there would be someone to help him regain the family honour! I am extremely disappointed!"

Hermione looked as if she would burst into tears. An image of her austere great-grandmother had superimposed itself over Narcissa's face, and that now-departed Dragon Lady, as she was dubbed, had been the terror of her childhood. Draco sat with his head hung in shame beside her.

"You will get dressed and meet me in the sitting room in half an hour. We need to discuss how we are to amend this disaster. Since a Bonding ceremony is needless at this point, we should at least hold a formal evening to properly introduce you as a married couple to society. So, you had better start thinking of who you want to invite, Ms. Granger. Or, should I say, _Mrs. Malfoy_." And with that, Narcissa exited the room.

"Malfoy, I apologize. You're not such a prat now that I know what terrors you faced growing up."

"Oh, don't worry about Mother. She's just upset that she didn't get to plan a lavish wedding for us. You'll see: she'll be our staunchest supporter in front of her harpy friends. I think _you_ should be more worried about how you're going to explain this to _your_ bunch." Hermione groaned.

A faint hoot was heard from the window. Looking up, Hermione saw Pigwidgeon sitting at the sill. Resigned, she walked over to retrieve the message tied to his leg. He flew away.

"Is that Weasel's owl?"

"Yes it is. And his name is Ron Weasley. And that's another thing, Malfoy: whether or not you like it or not, you are going to treat my friends with common civility from now on. While sober. So, no name calling, no disparaging remarks, no hexing or cursing, no - "

"Alright, alright! Same goes for my friends!"

"Agreed. Provided they don't provoke me first."

"And same goes for Potter and Weasley."

"I'll talk with them. Hmmm, Ginny's beginning to sound more and more like her mother. And yours. She sends her congratulations, though, on behalf of herself, her family, and Harry and Ron, who are too stunned to offer it themselves. And we are invited to Sunday breakfast at Tthe Burrow. You're going to behave, aren't you, Malfoy?"

"Summoned already! Given the circumstances, we may as well start getting used to calling each other by our given names, Hermione."

"Agreed. You're going to behave at Tthe Burrow on Sunday, aren't you, Draco?"

"You're such a harpy! I swear I'll never drink - " But they were interrupted by another owl, who deposited a red envelope onto the bed and flew off. "Fuck!" The envelope exploded into a magnified cacophony of his friends, who haphazardly berated and congratulated him on his nuptials in their typical lewd and hungover fashion. "Wankers! Wait 'til I get my hands on them!" But he was laughing. Hermione had blushed furiously at some of their comments. She suddenly became conscious that she was standing in the nude in the middle of the room and that Draco was eyeing her appreciatively. She gave a small yelp and ran into the bathroom.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"After some consideration, I think the only way to remedy your complete lack of decorum is for me to issue a statement on your behalf. Taking your cue from the example set by the Greengrasses, you both felt that it was inappropriate to hold an extravagant celebration of your Bonding in the midst of such devastation throughout the Wizarding world. Therefore, with the blessing of those present at the Greengrass Fundraiser Ball, you held a private Bonding ceremony, witnessed by the Minister himself, and are now spending a quiet honeymoon at an undisclosed location. This should satisfy the gossip-mongers as well as appease the Greengrasses, who must be terribly insulted to be upstaged in such a manner. No, I do not wish to hear anything from either of you, unless it is an apology! You are to spend the next two weeks getting better acquainted with one another in one of the villas in either France, Italy, or Germany, and you will not leave the grounds or be seen in public. You will also reflect on your disgusting behaviour and return eager to be models of comportment for other aspiring couples."

Hermione knew that postponing the inevitable would only make it worse, so prior to their exile, they dutifully arrived at The Burrow to cheers, jeers, and tears. The latter came, not surprisingly, in the form of Mrs. Weasley, whose motherly affection for Hermione overruled her doubts as to the young witch's choice of husband. By the end of their eventful visit, Draco managed to acquire a modicum of respect through some spectacular moves against Harry during a Quidditch match.

After viewing the three villas, the newlyweds decided that they would be most inconspicuous in Germany. They spent two quiet weeks together and made their first public appearance at the Ministry's Ball. Being the pride and joy of the Minister, they were paraded around. Hermione had warned Draco to be on his best behaviour, and he willingly played the part of the affectionate husband - downright vomit-inducing, according to his friends.

Narcissa wisely refrained from insisting that they move into the Manor, knowing that their newly formed bond was tenuous and needed time alone to solidify. So, they settled into a spacious abode in the outskirts of Wizarding London.

Although Hermione soon found a balance in her new life between work, family obligations, friends, and time at home, she began to feel increasingly dissatisfied. She began to be jealous of the time Draco spent with his friends and in pursuit of his interests. While he would come home at decent hours and not once excuse himself from their obligatory appearances as a couple to the various social gatherings, she felt somehow excluded from his life. It was as if having a wife did not interrupt his accustomed lifestyle in any noticeable way. She tried to make an effort to find ways they could spend time together, and she did find a few new hobbies that interested both of them, but she still felt alone and increasingly frustrated.

Draco occasionally noticed her despondence, but not being accustomed to catering to another's needs, he was unable to get to the root of the problem. Small fights and bickering often ensued and a habit of avoidance began, with either Draco storming off to his rooms at the Manor or Hermione fleeing to the comfort of her parents' house. They were promptly sent home by their respective elders within a few days to "sort out their differences because marriage wasn't all fun and games". Both learned to swallow their prides and seek reconciliation, often involving make-up sex, and several days of peace and happiness would settle in their nest. But treating the symptoms of the illness was not a cure, and things began to slowly unravel.

Unbeknownst to either of them, the Grangers and Narcissa Malfoy began arranging meetings to discuss their concerns for their children's future happiness. They kept each other informed whenever one or both households were forced to play host to a disgruntled offspring.

One cool evening, a solace-seeking Hermione arrived at her parents' doorstep to find them enjoying a cozy after-dinner chat with her mother-in-law. Too embarrassed at first to reveal her reason for seeking help, the careful prodding by all three soon released her pent-up emotions in a flood of tears. She could not stand to be alone another night. She had tried and tried to mend things, but she was tired of being the only one who cared. She was a total failure as a wife. She wondered if time apart wouldn't put things into perspective. She needed to somehow take control and make things better, but she didn't know where to start.

She was scared: she was pregnant.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

It was not the first time that he came home to an empty house, so Draco thought nothing of it. But after a week of complete silence from her, he began to worry. His in-laws assured him that she was not with them. Inquiries to the Potter and the various Weasley households also drew blanks. Giauzar would return after a successful delivery without bringing any reply. And the Department of International Magical Cooperation could only tell him that she had requested a month-long leave of absence for unspecified reasons.

Draco began to panic.

He frequented all her usual haunts. He harassed Ginny. He pleaded with the Grangers that he was sorry for anything he had done to upset her. He wheedled his Mother. They all denied any knowledge of Hermione's whereabouts and showed alarm for her safety - it wasn't like her to disappear without a word to anyone - assuring him they would inform him if she contacted them. Now desperate, he asked Pansy, on the off-chance. Pansy's tongue-lashing left him so dejected that Dean, who walked him to the door, gave him an encouraging pat and whispered that Hermione was also good friends with Luna.

"Luna's right. Your transformation reminds me of the story of the man who brought a piece of rock to the Chinese emperor, insisting that it contained the most beautiful piece of yellow jade. No one believed him, and he was executed for being a liar. However, it was discovered later on that he was right. The exposed jade is now on display in the National Museum in Taipei, uncarved, which is a pity because the man could've created a masterpiece like the Moses with the horns and imperfect knee - hey! I never made that connection before! I must write it down..."

Draco stared after his retreating back, dazed and dumbfounded. He was brought out of his stupor by Luna's dreamy voice,

"When Alicia gets mad at him, Neville says he's able to make her smile again by breeding a new species of her favourite flower."

"Oh yes," said the busily scribbling Linus. "My great-grandfather Fink-Nottle often got cheered up by finding a new species of newt to study." He shuddered, "Of course, I can't stand those creepy-crawlies. I grew up with downy woodpeckers and blue jays, so I prefer studying birds; no reptiles for me."

"Linus doesn't mean that you should try to breed a new species of bird to impress Hermione, of course, unless it's to improve upon her Canary Hex, but that's just silly because she already does it so well. But I guess you could always try to find something unusual that she does like, as a peace offering."

"She already _has_ a first edition of _Hogwarts:, A History_, and two months ago, I found a copy of the original _Magical Hieroglyphs and Logograms_, complete with the author's own marginal notes for his revised edition, though he never got around to it because he died of dragon pox. But what's the use of buying her gifts when I don't even know where she is?"

"True, but if she comes home unexpectedly and says she's not mad at you anymore, you'll at least have the gift ready."

"I suppose. I'm just worried that she got into some sort of trouble and is unable to find any way of telling me."

"You do care about her, more than you realized."

"Yeah. I don't want to even consider a life without her."

"Linus says Muggles have the saying, 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder', though of what, I don't know."

"I told you, it depends on the person! For me, it's the candy-corn that the Great Pumpkin gives to all the good children on Hallowe'en."

"I remember Hermione loves treacle tarts. Maybe that's what you should buy, Draco. Or Chocolate Frogs. She has her own card now - I've got three of them. Maybe you should ask her Frog card and see if she'll tell you where she is. Anthony used to say that the cards would make great spying tools because the wizards on them could go anywhere, like the portraits at Hogwarts. I think I prefer the Galleon that Hermione gave the DA. I don't remember where I've put mine. I don't suppose she still has hers?"

"I don't know. It - it's getting late, I'd better go. I'll owl if I find her."

Draco forced himself to continue his pursuits because a week spent brooding at home only furthered his anxieties regarding his missing wife's well-being. However, he found himself less and less interested in them. Even Quidditch became a time-consuming, pointless activity.

It was at this low point that he received a surprise visit from Mr. Weasley. The kindly man began talking about his views on friendship, respect, love, generosity, and compromise, and how these ingredients were all necessary foundations for marriage. He talked about the responsibilities a husband had for his wife. He talked about how important it was to make sure that one's wife knew that she was a cherished part of one's life.

He left Draco thoughtful and chastened.

Hermione, meanwhile, had been using her time to prepare herself for the impending arrival. Narcissa had arranged that she stay with her sister Andromeda as she felt that little Teddy would be a positive influence. And the cheerful and rambunctious child had proved to be the right medicine. She was kept well-informed of Draco's actions by her parents and Narcissa, and she received frequent visits from Ginny, Luna, Susan, and even Pansy. She made arrangements with her department so that she could work on purely administrative tasks remotely, only going into work when it was absolutely necessary, and when those rare occasions did occur, she made sure her condition was carefully hidden.

In spite of her busy schedule, she still missed Draco, but she constantly reminded herself that she was doing this for the benefit of all three of them. She did her best not to dwell on her periodic spells of sadness, taking comfort and receiving encouragement from Healer Susan's reports that her son was thriving. She kept the sex of her baby a secret from the others, hoping to first share it with Draco.

She received a visit from Mr. Weasley a month after his talk with Draco. He astounded her with the news that Draco had applied for a position with the Ministry. Draco'sHis knowledge of the Dark Arts and his adeptness at Potions made him an ideal employee in the Department of Mysteries. The early reports from his superiors confirmed that he was a hard-working, focussed, and intelligent young man who would go far. Hermione sat wide-eyed with disbelief until Mr. Weasley explained the reason for this sudden change. He returned her tearful embrace and told her that she should confer with her parents and mother-in-law about her plans to allow Draco back into her life.

It was decided that their original abode would contain too many painful memories for both of them, and so Hermione spent some time finding a suitable replacement. When the new nest was ready, she sent word to Narcissa.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. Knowing her wards were not detecting danger, she opened the door to find Draco upon the threshold. Before she could open her mouth in greeting, he had entered and gathered her in his arms for a fierce kiss. He only broke the kiss when he felt a light pounding against his abdomen. He then stared slack-jawed at her protruding stomach.

"He doesn't like to be squeezed." Draco stared at her, gaping. Finally regaining equilibrium, he squatted down and placed a tender kiss on her protrusion.

"Hello, son." Looking up at her again, he asked, "So, this is why you've been stubbornly refusing to answer my letters. When exactly were you planning on informing me that I'm to be a father?"

"As soon as I was sure that you were willing to do more than put up with the fact that we're married."

"I already told you, I wasn't so drunk as to have married you only for a shag. And don't those two weeks at the villa count for anything? We were happy. So we ran into a few snags the first few months. We did prove that our feelings ran deeper than just pure physical attraction."

"Yes, but once the euphoria wore off, living together wasn't so easy. I never expected you to be at my beck-and-call, but I had hoped you would realize that you were no longer a bachelor. When we agreed that we would not interfere with our independent pursuits, I didn't expect to be completely disregarded and excluded from your plans! And when we had to appear at functions as the happily married couple, you only ever stayed with me for a short while before leaving me to fend for myself! After I found out about our baby, I knew that I couldn't subject him to a life where his father was constantly absent and uninterested in his well-being. So, I left. And I would have stayed away and raised our son alone if you never..." A sob escaped.

He gathered her in his arms. "I'm sorry, My-own! I've been a selfish git. Please don't ever leave me again! I've missed you so much. I haven't had a proper night's sleep since you left - I got so used to your warm body next to mine."

"Is that all I mean to you?"

"No, of course not! You're the embodiment of everything that makes my life happy and meaningful. Everything felt pointless after you left. It got to the point where I didn't even care when I lost to Potter at Quidditch."

"Aw, my poor dragon. What finally pulled you from your valley of despair?"

"Mr. Weasley. He made me realize how selfish I was. How I would have to change and grow-up, accept my responsibilities as a husband, take equal part in making sure the marriage works for both of us. So, I found a job at the Ministry, in the Department of Mysteries. And I explained to the boys that I couldn't spend so much time with them. And do you know? They told me they were surprised I was allowed as much freedom as I had."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but there's more. Blaise and Potter joined forces and really ripped into me! But after having some fun '_sempraa'-_ing me to bits, they admitted that they were under orders to make sure I was fully repentant before passing me onto my final interrogator and the Mastermind in this whole conspiracy: my own mother! When I begged her to tell me where you were, she wouldn't budge until she wrenched a full confession about how miserable I've been. She then said I'd be lucky if you would even want to come home. It's a good thing you're more warm-blooded than she is."

"She wants what's best for the both of us, and that makes her the most warm-blooded of all, Draco. She could have left us to remain estranged and miserable forever."

"Have you been miserable, love?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you, I promise."


	12. Epilogue

Epilogue

The contractions began just before dawn. Hermione took her time to ease herself out of bed and freshen up in the bathroom. She put her overnight bags by the fireplace. The contractions quickly became ten-minute intervals. _My impatient son. You're going to be just like your father._ She sat by the edge of the bed and tried to arouse her sleeping husband.

"Draco. Draco. Get up, please. Draco!" He stirred and moaned something incoherent but went still and quiet again. She continued to shake him. No success. A sudden contraction hit her, and she gripped his arms tightly as she waited for the pain to pass.

"Mmmmrrrrhhh, that hurts! What the - " Realization hit, and Draco scrambled to get her to St. Mungo's.

Their son was born two hours later.

When they had settled cozily in the hospital bed, their son nestled securely between them, Draco murmured, "I have a confession. I sabotaged your other dates so that I would be your only suitor."

"I know."


End file.
